Family and Friends

Even thought the event is now over, your loved one may be experiencing some strong emotional and physical reactions. It is very common for a survivor of sexual assault to experience emotional "aftershocks." Sometimes the emotional aftershocks appear immediately after the assault. Sometimes they may appear a few hours or a few days later. In some cases, a rape survivor may not experience aftershocks until weeks or months have passed

The signs and symptoms of these aftershocks may last a few days, a few weeks, or a few months and occasionally longer. Each survivor's journey to healing is different.

Healing, What to Expect

People who have been sexually assaulted have differing ways of coping, and they heal in different ways. There are three predictable phases of emotional responses to sexual assault and healing. The behaviors and extent of these phases differ for each victim. If these phases do not exactly describe the response of the person you are trying to support, it does not mean they were not a victim of a sexual assault; they may simply have a unique set of responses. Learning all you can about sexual assault increases your ability to help a victim work through these feelings.

Acute Reaction

This phase can last from days to weeks and may include feelings of embarrassment, shock, fear, anger, anxiety or a sense of being out of control. These feelings may be expressed by crying, screaming or appearing to be in total control

Outward Adjustment

This phase can last from several weeks to years and may be characterized by an appearance of things returning to normal in the victim's life. It may include changes such as moving, taking a new job or making new career/relationship choices. There may also be an attempt to deny or repress the assault or to rationalize what happened. The victim appears to be "doing okay."

Resolution

At some point the victim may begin to experience the feelings she had immediately following the assault. These may be accompanied by flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia and marital or drug/alcohol-related problems. The victim may reach out for assistance and support from crisis centers and other agencies, friends, relatives or ministers.

Survivors are not always able or willing to share their reactions with others. Below is a list of some reactions that survivors may experience. Reading this list may help you better understand what your loved one is going through:

Guilt

"I feel as if I did something to make this happen... If only I had been more careful...

Powerlessness

"Who can I trust? My life has fallen apart..."

Emotional Shock

"I feel so numb... Why am I so calm? Why can't I cry?"

Disorientation

"Everything seems so weird...The world is turned upside-down... I can't pay attention to what I'm doing..."

Disbelief

"What has happened to me? How could he have done this to me? Did this really happen?"

Retriggering

"I have terrible nightmares. I feel that same terror again! I keep flashing back to the scene..."

Embarassment

"People think that I'm a slut. .. I can't talk to the police about this. .. I don't want anyone to find out what happened..."

Denial

"It was just a rape. I wasn't hurt...Why am I such a mess? This shouldn't bother me..."

Fear

"I can't stand to be alone.. I hate the dark now. I am terrified... I feel ridiculously paranoid..."

Depression

"I don't feel like getting out of bed... I just don't want to see anyone... Sometimes I want to die...

Anxiety

"I can't eat. I can't sleep... My heart just starts pounding... I am restless. I can't sit still..."

Anger

"I hate that bastard... I could kill him... I could smash something to pieces... Why me? I hate this world..."

Despair

"I'll never feel normal again... This event has traumatized me forever... This pain is overwhelming..."